Saturday Musings: I woke up this morning, after my unwavering time out with my Father of all Fathers, and decided to watch the Tiwa expose, whilst seeping my hot cup of 'pick me up' coffee (yes ke! At this point in life am allowed a few ME time 😂😂)
Hmm! Am always sad when I hear of broken marriages - so sad it's not the best because I have been there and I know all about the different emotions that flow with the before and after! Not the best but sometimes for sanity, it is the best option to bow out!
The issues Tiwa mentioned are all fool-proof actions and attitude that is guaranteed to break a marriage! There is emotional, mental. psychological, financial and physical abuse - all combined and that definitely can break anyone. Some manage to stay despite all but it leads to two things:
1). A complete destruction of the person's persona, depression and breeding of kids who will grow to be dysfunctional adults; or
2). Death - either self-inflected or murdered by the spouse!
There are mistakes people make when getting married and that is confusing friendship, best left in that category; and desire, wrapped in a flimsy tissue of love.
Some see signs of possible incompatibility, recognise it but believe they can wade through! Some don't even recognize the signs and live in the moment of enjoyment until after marriage when the bubble bursts! Some don't even see any sign because the other partner is verse in duplicity and act of camouflage until the prize is got and then guards are let down - then you wonder who you got married to! A Dr Jerkle and Mr Hyde situation!
You try your best to adjust - but sometimes it is impossible because you married the person who doesn't resonate with your core values - your DNA ( Divine Natural Attributes), and nothing you do can sort out the problem!
When I work with people who are level headed enough to come for relationship coaching I have a tool I use to identify core values that cannot be compromised in order of importance. If they go with a person who doesn't align with their core values, there will definitely be problems. Sadly when they decide to ignore and still go out with the person, conflict always ensues! Some luckily break up BEFORE marriage and some get married and there it is! It's uncanny but it is 99.9% foolproof!
Back to the current issue making waves - I did have my doubts when I heard Tiwa and TJ were getting married! I prayed it worked out because I could see the signs! I repeat that there are people who should remain friends but who bring in emotions and it then destroys an otherwise good relationship - AS FRIENDS! Because when it breaks up, it can't go back to how it was!
I will give a little story of years back! A lady had a very good buddy - even better than having a biological brother! Always there for her and she for him! Then one day they went out as usual and it was late and they ended up in her place - happened quite often and no problem! But this special day (the enemy is always looking for that crack), they got talking about trying out a relationship since they got on so well! So they made love! But few days later they realized that the easy commaderie wasn't there, so logically they decided to stop and continue as friends BUT it was never the same again! Then to make matters worse, she found out she was pregnant and that shattered all completely! He got very upset and refused to have anything to do with her! She went through her pain and labour! It broke her completely - but can you see what happened? He had a side she hadn't seen for the years they were BEST FRIENDS! The tolerance level as friends didn't hold as lovers!
Oh well - taking a sip of my coffee because my fingers ache from writing Ojare - o se aro kutu kutu...(it's too early to be serious 😂😂) - I wish Tiwa the best and also TJ because it takes two to tango - the abused and the abuser both have issues! TJ continued his shenanigans because he hoped Tiwa would cover up because of her reputation! She did until she got fed up! Both need counseling to rebuild their separate lives!
Lesson here:
1. Know your personality type
2. Know your core values that can't be compromised because when you do you get hurt
3. Don't be pressured to get married - the glam of the marriage ceremony is just for a day - reality of marriage is continuous!
4. If you find yourself in an abusive marriage, from the first explosion or deep reality, seek 'professional' relationship/marriage counseling! There is so much family, friends, pastor can do when it comes to that area which needs thorough analysis and possible realignment of mindsets and values.
5. Cover up and pretence destroys YOU! People can laugh but they don't own you!
God bless them both and their little one
(If you need relationship or marriage counseling/coaching don't be ashamed to get in touch! Break the circle of silence and the pride of admitting you have an issue. ) you are not alone! Do you have similar issues to share? Let's talk about it and you can also send me email to post as anonymous at: lailasmd@gmail.com. .
By the way - what are YOUR own views?
Laila St.Matthew-Daniel
Here is Laila's on the dramatic and emotional turn of event between Tiwa and Teebillz. You can reach Laila on Facebook, her ID is "Life With Laila".
Hmm! Am always sad when I hear of broken marriages - so sad it's not the best because I have been there and I know all about the different emotions that flow with the before and after! Not the best but sometimes for sanity, it is the best option to bow out!
The issues Tiwa mentioned are all fool-proof actions and attitude that is guaranteed to break a marriage! There is emotional, mental. psychological, financial and physical abuse - all combined and that definitely can break anyone. Some manage to stay despite all but it leads to two things:
1). A complete destruction of the person's persona, depression and breeding of kids who will grow to be dysfunctional adults; or
2). Death - either self-inflected or murdered by the spouse!
There are mistakes people make when getting married and that is confusing friendship, best left in that category; and desire, wrapped in a flimsy tissue of love.
Some see signs of possible incompatibility, recognise it but believe they can wade through! Some don't even recognize the signs and live in the moment of enjoyment until after marriage when the bubble bursts! Some don't even see any sign because the other partner is verse in duplicity and act of camouflage until the prize is got and then guards are let down - then you wonder who you got married to! A Dr Jerkle and Mr Hyde situation!
You try your best to adjust - but sometimes it is impossible because you married the person who doesn't resonate with your core values - your DNA ( Divine Natural Attributes), and nothing you do can sort out the problem!
When I work with people who are level headed enough to come for relationship coaching I have a tool I use to identify core values that cannot be compromised in order of importance. If they go with a person who doesn't align with their core values, there will definitely be problems. Sadly when they decide to ignore and still go out with the person, conflict always ensues! Some luckily break up BEFORE marriage and some get married and there it is! It's uncanny but it is 99.9% foolproof!
Back to the current issue making waves - I did have my doubts when I heard Tiwa and TJ were getting married! I prayed it worked out because I could see the signs! I repeat that there are people who should remain friends but who bring in emotions and it then destroys an otherwise good relationship - AS FRIENDS! Because when it breaks up, it can't go back to how it was!
I will give a little story of years back! A lady had a very good buddy - even better than having a biological brother! Always there for her and she for him! Then one day they went out as usual and it was late and they ended up in her place - happened quite often and no problem! But this special day (the enemy is always looking for that crack), they got talking about trying out a relationship since they got on so well! So they made love! But few days later they realized that the easy commaderie wasn't there, so logically they decided to stop and continue as friends BUT it was never the same again! Then to make matters worse, she found out she was pregnant and that shattered all completely! He got very upset and refused to have anything to do with her! She went through her pain and labour! It broke her completely - but can you see what happened? He had a side she hadn't seen for the years they were BEST FRIENDS! The tolerance level as friends didn't hold as lovers!
Oh well - taking a sip of my coffee because my fingers ache from writing Ojare - o se aro kutu kutu...(it's too early to be serious 😂😂) - I wish Tiwa the best and also TJ because it takes two to tango - the abused and the abuser both have issues! TJ continued his shenanigans because he hoped Tiwa would cover up because of her reputation! She did until she got fed up! Both need counseling to rebuild their separate lives!
Lesson here:
1. Know your personality type
2. Know your core values that can't be compromised because when you do you get hurt
3. Don't be pressured to get married - the glam of the marriage ceremony is just for a day - reality of marriage is continuous!
4. If you find yourself in an abusive marriage, from the first explosion or deep reality, seek 'professional' relationship/marriage counseling! There is so much family, friends, pastor can do when it comes to that area which needs thorough analysis and possible realignment of mindsets and values.
5. Cover up and pretence destroys YOU! People can laugh but they don't own you!
God bless them both and their little one
(If you need relationship or marriage counseling/coaching don't be ashamed to get in touch! Break the circle of silence and the pride of admitting you have an issue. ) you are not alone! Do you have similar issues to share? Let's talk about it and you can also send me email to post as anonymous at: lailasmd@gmail.com. .
By the way - what are YOUR own views?
Laila St.Matthew-Daniel
Here is Laila's on the dramatic and emotional turn of event between Tiwa and Teebillz. You can reach Laila on Facebook, her ID is "Life With Laila".
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